It's been a long time...

since I've actually written here. My life has been very busy. Where to begin to get you all caught up.

I've been working for a company that was a good opportunity at the time. Now, not so much. In the last few months I have been made to feel that I am less than adequate to perform my job. Also, that I can not communicate properly. I am in the process of finding another job.

Now for the kids. Talena is expecting again. She is due sometime at the end of October beginning of November. She is eating healthy, she has actually started cooking again. I am very proud of the mother, wife, and daughter that she has become. She will be homeschooling the kids. She is absolutely beautiful.

Gregory is going to 29 Palms for a month for extensive preparation for being deployed to Iraq in August. Because of th kind of job that he does, he will always be on base. He will be less likely to be in harms way. I am very proud of him.

Kyle will be coming home from Korea on the 5th or 6th of June. I will be going to California to pick him up. He is doing so good. He helped to build roads, laid concrete for walls, and did some volunteer work while he was stationed there. I am very proud of him as well.

As for Jerry and I, it's gotten rather odd. He has moved out of the house, even though he says it's the hardest thing for him to do. He still loves me and I still love him. I think that part of the reason we can't live together is that he has never lived alone. With our work schedules he was alone in the house everyday before he would go to work. This made him feel lonely, and made him depressed. He is living with his sisters, and there is always someone there during the day, so he is never alone for long. We still spend time together on the weekends. He's helped repair things for me, including fixing my van. We are better apart than together under the same roof. Like I said, it has gotten very odd.

I think for my future I will follow what the IQ test in the previous post says I am. I am going to try my hand at writing and publishing. I know that I may not make a living at publishing my own work, yet I believe I can supplement my income with my writing.

So, here's my question, am I hard to understand? Please let me know one way or the other.

Live fully....

November is over

That means the writing challenge is also over. I didn't reach the goal, didn't even come close to it, didn't finish my story either. The story still needs to be told, so it will get written. Having started a new job was a big part in my not getting it written. I know that it sounds like an excuse, I haven't held a real job for a few years. Raising kids is a job in itself, in some ways more demanding than a job outside the home, yet you can take a nap when at home unlike in an office.

When I started this job, the company I work for had just bought a very successful bookkeeping business. So I was behind in work before I had even begun. I am now caught up for the first time since I started, I will succeed at staying caught up with out to much overtime. I have a hourly pay rate based on a billable client base of $10,000 per month, the clients that were brought in are at a billable rate of $12,000 per month. What this means is that if I can keep my overtime down and don't need any extra help, is that I get a bonus of 30% on the $2,000 over the original base. I am so excited about this.

Jerry and I working at making our marriage work. So far things are going good. We have our own rooms. I know that sounds strange, yet with the hours that we work it makes sense. I don't have to worry about waking him up when my alarm clock goes off, and he doesn't have to worry about waking me up when he gets home after midnight. We are spending more time on the weekends together. We are doing better. We will have to work on our marriage for the rest of our lives, that's the way it should be.

Live fully....

A Quick Update

I really love my new job. I am working with a great group of people. The company I work for just acquired a bookkeeping service, and I will be the one to take over that part of the business. I am very busy, and like being busy. More on this when I'm not so tired.

Jerry and I are trying to work on our marriage. He has moved back into the house. He has his own room. We are both trying to make it work, we both want it to work. He has even started hanging up pictures, something that hasn't been done for quite some time. I am happy and hopeful. Life is good. I will post more when I'm not so tired.

I'm still trying to get used to getting up every morning, and going to work. I'm tired when I get home, I'm also happy at being tired.

Live fully.....

Life changing events

Life has taken some strange twists and turns in the past week or so. Jerry has decided to leave me. The reasons that he has given me seem very superficial, not that they aren't true, just doesn't really seem to be "marriage breaking" reasons. He says he wants to live on his own, he doesn't want to put me through the worsening of his emphysema, he can't make me happy, musicians make lousy husbands, and other things like this. He can't even look me in the eyes when he is telling me his reasons.

He had a few complaints about me, I'm not a great house keeper, and I've been depressed off and on for several years, so things didn't get done that should have. I agreed that I shouldn't have let the house or myself go, so I started doing the things that I should do. It was a few days after this that he told me he was leaving me. You will all be glad to know that I am still cleaning things up, though it will take time to get the house back into shape.

At first I was very upset, cried for a long time that day and into that night. Then I was angry, very angry because I couldn't believe that he wanted to leave for such simple reasons. I cried some more, after that I was just pissed. I was mad for most of this past weekend. Sometime Sunday afternoon I went from being mad to being frustrated over the whole thing. I'm frustrated that he hinted at others that he would be leaving before he said anything to me. I'm frustrated that he can't face his own demons, denies that they even exist. I'm frustrated that he won't or can't say what the underlying reason he wants to leave really is. I am very familiar with my own problems, and bad habits, and I'm working on them.

I think that a marriage should be worked at, that problems should be worked though. I don't like giving up on this marriage without even trying to work out the problems, yet that's what he wants to do. So, with that in mind, I went to the court house today and filed for a Legal Separation. It is the best way for me to protect myself, get what I need, and I'll be able to initiate counseling. We both could use the counseling.

I feel stronger now than I ever have before. I'm growing as a person, and will continue to do so through this whole separation/counseling/divorce thing that I have to go through.

Live fully.....